A long-distance relationship comes with its own particular challenges. Long-distance couples often find themselves questioning if their relationship will last. Sadly many long-distance relationships fail. So when covid-19 ignited lockdowns around the globe, my partner Yuki and I had to face an indefinite amount of time separated by the Pacific; we were rightfully scared our relationship would be killed by the distance. Many other international couples faced unforeseeable hurdles, some which seemed insurmountable. We are one such couple and this is our story of success in the midst of a global pandemic.
Meeting someone from another country online
We are an international couple who were long-distance for 18 months. Yuki comes from Japan, and I, Hannah, come from the US. We met online in April 2019 through a language exchange app called HelloTalk and messaged each other everyday for 6 months. We met in person in October of the same year when Yuki visited me in the USA. Before this we were only internet friends but 2 weeks into Yuki’s visit we became a couple.
Unexpected challenges of international love
Yuki returned to Japan in December and I made plans to try to find a job there and follow him since he still had a year left in school. We didn’t want to be long-distance if we didn’t have to be. I got a job, however before all the paperwork was finalized to apply for a visa, Japan closed its borders to people who had been in the US for the past 2 weeks. At first I thought I could get around this but in order to get a work visa it has to be issued by a Japanese Embassy in your home country, in my case the US.
Unfortunately all visa processing was also on hold. In desperation I imagined flying to a country not on the banned list and waiting 2 weeks before flying to Japan. This wasn’t practical though as I wouldn’t have been able to work upon entry and would have soon run out of money. I also would still have had to return to the US at some point to get my work visa.
This occured in March of 2020 and at this point we were still clueless about how Covid-19 would affect not only us, but all of humanity. We hoped for restrictions to be removed a few months later, but this was not the case (Actually Japan is currently still closed.) What was originally going to be around 4 months of separation turned into an unknown amount of time. It goes without saying, we were devastated and anxious about when we would be able to see one another.
Separated for one year because of Covid-19
We ended up going a full calendar year physically separated. Even as I write this I can’t believe we did that. I cannot lie and say it was easy in any way. It was one of the hardest things I’ve done in my life. Was it worth it? A most resounding yes. However, in the midst of it there were definitely moments where I questioned whether it was worth it.
Long-distance doesn’t have to be a reason to break up
When it became clear to us that the travel restrictions were not going to budge anytime soon, we started making alternative plans for our future together. In some ways the international and long-distance component to our relationship sped things along. Fairly early in our relationship we talked about long-term commitment to each other. We anticipated that if things continued to go well that we both wanted to move towards marriage. Before I got locked out of Japan we didn’t have any set timeline, but soon after we started to plan for when we would get married.
As soon as we could, we started the process to apply for a fiancé visa for Yuki to come live in the US. At around the same time, summer of 2020, I had decided that I wanted to apply to graduate school, and Yuki was very supportive of my plans. We hoped that if I went to school in 2021 that by then Yuki could join me in the US. We knew the process could take a long time so we started it as soon as possible.
This period of our relationship was stressful, scary and uncertain. It’s so easy to think that your love will die out and your partner will start to confide in another “in-real-life” person and eventually discard you. Yuki and I worked hard to not let our love for one another fade. We both learned how to be patient as we waited. We also learned to trust and forgive, relationship essentials.
Visiting the US in the midst of Covid-19
In the meantime though, we were desperate to see each other in person. We unfortunately had only gotten to spend 2.5 months together before our separation. Even though I could not enter Japan, Yuki could enter the US. After a lot of consideration, we planned a visit in December of 2020. We knew it would be risky, however it was worth the risk to us and we took all the precautions we could. Yuki took several covid tests and traveled on an almost empty flight for which we were grateful.
When I first heard Yuki’s voice (sans phone) again it sounded so different. I felt like I was falling in love again. I was so excited and happy to see him, but I felt like I was in a daze that first day. His visit was so much fun! We were both so grateful to finally get to spend some time together after 1 year apart. Besides all the fun it was very helpful to have more difficult conversations in person. To our relief it was easier to address several misunderstandings and disagreements we’d had and finally come to a better understanding of each other.
He spent Christmas with my family, and the two of us celebrated New Year’s covid-style with drinks and dancing in my bedroom. We bought an engagement ring together and took many photos of each other. But mostly we did everyday activities, mundane things, but to us they felt new and exciting because we were finally able to do them together.
Saying goodbye again
One of the hardest things about long-distance relationships is saying goodby after a visit. I’m not sure if saying goodbye to Yuki is the hardest thing I’ve ever done, but it cuts it pretty close. At least it’s the saddest I’ve felt in a long time. Besides getting locked out of Japan and not seeing Yuki for so long, 2020 had a disproportionate amount of lousy personal events. It felt like everything was going wrong in my life. I feared that something would, inevitably (considering my year’s track record), come up after he left and we would break up and then I’d never see him again. I have a tendency to overthink.
He reassured me that my fears were unfounded, but let’s just say anxiety… not known to be the most rational. I dropped Yuki off at an airport 4 hours from my house by myself. And yes, I did cry in said airport alone as I walked back to my car. I was very sad but it was almost cinematic (am I allowed to say that?) I’m quite dramatic and like to laugh at myself in retrospect.
Moving to the US from Japan with a fiancé visa
After 3 months we got a notification that Yuki’s visa application was accepted and he could take the next step towards a visa. The next fews months were full of paperwork, interview prep, and so much excitement. Yuki graduated from college during this time and started packing his bags to start our new life together. He passed the interview and less than a week after picking up his visa he was on his way!
On May 23rd, 2021 Yuki flew from Japan to the US. My family came with me to the airport to meet him. While the moment of finally seeing Yuki and knowing he was here to stay was exciting, relief was the main emotion that made me choky that day. It was a relief to not have to wonder if I’d ever see again the person I care for most. 2 days later we were legally married and 2 months later we had a lovely wedding celebration with friends and family.
We are moving soon across the country in order for me to start my graduate program. We are so thrilled to start, together, the next chapter of our life.
Thanks for taking the time to read our story! If you want to know tips for how to maintain a healthy relationship with your partner while in a long distance relationship, please check out our post of 7 tips for international couples to make long distance relationships work.